Not a girl but a woman....

i am tired.. tired of everything.. the more i carry on the more tired i get.. 

I am just fuming mad at the thought of the redemption of a reputation of a stain diplomat and the death he caused, the shrinking of responsibility by just running away and the total denial that he caused the death of an innocent person. The immunity given has now somehow caused the diplomat to given a 'get out of jail card'. Official business??? That that ungodly hour? Residential area? Speeding through a traffic light? Wow!! Just because he is a diplomat, a diplomat that has no 'official ties' with Singapore, immune also to the interpol? He must be some guy... If Mr X, or Mr Y commits any crime...if....in any other country.. are they immune or will they be treated like any other human? That diplomat is even worse than the devil...at least he got cast out of heaven to hell... this is like letting him go free..so if he knocks down someone important eg. ...Mr A.. does he get immune too? I doubt so... Just because the poor guy is an ordinary person, he can be so called immune? He has the audacity to claim that all the witnesses are blind and they saw the wrong person..even though one saw him in the eye..face to face..He has played the game well.. Just because there has been no ties with that country..he can be so called a free man... HEY!! He killed a young man, who just gotten married just before Christmas, knocked down another two people, injured them, he can even drive the car all the way to an industrial estate and claim ignorance and states that his car was stolen, claims that he never drank even when there are people who caught him drinking..and when the deed was done, he can fly all the way back to his homeland and state that he is not well to come back to assist in the case.. Have the people in Singapore fell asleep? Where is the law that upholds justice? Is he going to get away scoot free? Does he know that there is a God of Justice that watches over us? How dare he come over with the immunity an flash it at the Singapore government and walk away without anything being done? Why does he have the ability, for the law enforcement people to not place a bail over his head? He is not going to come back for goodness sake... But after knocking the poor fellow down, he still is able to sleep soundly with the peace of mind that nothing is going to happen to him? Is he human or what?!!! He can even compare the poor guy to a dog!!! WHAT!!!!! DOG!!! YOU FEEL SAD!!! YOU ARE SICK!!!! Hey!!! He cant be compared to a dog. He is just literally stating that Singaporeans are just only comparable to dogs!!!! What an insult! He is not even worth to be a human. He has no guilt in him and even dared the poor widow to sue him if she can. This person is not even worth the immunity protecting him. He drives out without his driver and can call him to lie to the authorities that the car was stolen.. states that the cabby who drove him home, never did drove him... Wow... So did the cabby drive a ghost all the way home? That evil man must have a vivid imagination and is a great liar.. Either he must be the devil in human form or the devil is his best friend. No mercy must be given to such a cold blooded person, He has to be dealt with by the Singapore laws... A life for a life...  He must pay for his crime... You know what? The funny thing is that he claims that his people are more compassionate than Singaporeans.. YOU NUT... YOU KILLED A FELLOW SINGAPOREAN... We know who is at fault and he wants us to bestow compassion on him for his weak heart..STUPID... He has also a long string of crime back in his homeland and the strangest thing is that he can be a diplomat here? I'm fuming mad that the people he has caused distress to has been treated with less respect to him and he is able to use his weak heart, weak body and his immunity as a trump card.. 

2010 has been rather a bumpy ride, but it has been so far so good. Feb is coming to an end and we are starting march on quite a quiet note. Working life always has been a roller coaster ride, bringing ups and downs at each point of my life. Making it looks as if i am old and wrinkled. Hahahaha...

LOve life... never thought about it as it always been a wound that never gotten healed. Each wounded inflicted is like someone using salt to rub into it and the wound just stinks like mad.

Hope to be successful in my work but love life? I would give it a pass. I am happy where i am now though i need a guy by my side but i am not going to be ms desparado and jump at any avaliable guy. Some look as if they are mr right now but not mr right, others mr right but not now. I am getting rather pooped and wish to take a breather, may go to bintan some day and take a good break.

2010 is a brand new year for me.. it has been nearly 1-2 years since i been down to that "motivating" place..

yah..motivating.. they motivate you to push your boundaries at your family expense.. not that we are required to make our folks buy stufff but we have lesser time to spend with them.. whoever states that eternity is a far way off from them is really in deep shit. eternity is just only running side by side and at any moment and point we can slip off into eternity.. so will you want to slog your guts out just to find that your folks are not there for you anymore? Or to slug your guts out to find that you are dead and all the monies that you have or the wealth that you have created cannot be spent? True to a certain point. that if you want to have "success" you must know how to have good PR skills.. the stuff that are not, people often say that they find themselves identified through their friends but the mould has been created to mould you into their "prefect" friend. they will have cliques that find you more than often not good enough for them and shun you at the slights thought, they will shut you out and claims in a big group that you are their close friend to the extend of being a family member. But does your sibling do that to you? Ousted and labelled as an outcast of the whole group? I am sick and tired of the lies that Im been taking in and the conformation of their thoughts...Yeah right? Friends?

If you are truly my friend, and have not seen me in ages, would'nt you make the 1st  step in calling me to find out how I'm doing? Lies all lies..

Just wondering why I thought I could fit in there? And why on earth did I go back? My only job when I went back was to try to save and to let them know about Christ. But I guess they are in no need of me.. I think someone better will tell them or they will all go to eternity without Christ.. now working on a smaller goup.. but I guess with this group I may see some results..

I will not be going back anymore..who bothers if I am not consider an elite in their eyes. I am in an industry which they will love to be in but I am not going to call them for help..

最後 你轉身離去
閃過 一絲猶豫
一鏡到底 像拍好的劇情
埋下伏筆 未完待續

是我 一直太入戲
徹底 為你著迷
安安靜靜
有一千種表情
看不清也不想看清

舖天蓋地 是你完美演技
一句抱歉 說得煽情
壞人我做就可以

若及若離 是你完美演技
哪裡熱鬧往哪裡去 都隨你
若及若離 是你完美演技
哪裡熱鬧往哪裡去 都隨你
都隨你
都隨你

my feelings to philip now...

Waking up in and under the grace of God, there can be only one word to some it up..marvellous!! My friends just lost a friend close to them whom I do not know. But reading his facebook and listening to them talk about him, makes me feel that I know him also. He went home to be with the Lord, ah... what a blessing..When I am down and out there is only one place I turly desire to be in..that is His presence. And KY got to be in frist..the splendour of God's glory must beautiful, peaceful and I think He must be basking in God's presence now seeing Him face to face. If there was an email or even a boardband up there, I will be emailing my uncles' and friends who went there frist. Unfortunately, there isn't any. Unfortuantely, this is not about KY. But I realise that I have not been talking to Him for a Long.................. while and I know He misses me badly.

 

"Amazing Grace"

 

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound,

That saved a wretch like me, I was once

lost but now and found, was blind but now

I see.

 

How could I be so blinded by greed, covetouness, envy..after giving my heart at the age of 15!!

I once was lost, found and lost again? I must have be blinded by greed of having a lot of monies, reputation and other stuff..

 

I cannot imagine that I have a friend that told me that he will always be there if I do ever need help but he always turn away when I do really need help. Does that make him a liar? I do not want to keep harping on the issue that he is like this or why does he always do that. He keep telling us that many people are not happy with the way he does his things or how he treats them. But he does not really see is that THAT is the way he treats some. I do not want to have to protect his reputation or make it keep to the minimum. I have to say that I am very sad that is the way he is treating me. I do not need to be conjure in to believing things that I know that he is lying to me. I am not a kid. I know who is truly good to me or even concern for me You can hear it from their voice, or even sense that they are concern for you. Perphas is that he has not gone through much to understand the pain I am in now.

 

Sometimes, I just wonder is he doing that just to make me happy or just making me feel that he is concern. He even came up with the crap that his handphone is down and he only can receive messages and cant send them out??!!! WHAT THE CRAP!!! If you know that you may have important messages to pass around will you miss out only one or make sure that the particular person still receives the message but just from another person? LIAR! He still keeps telling me that his handphone cant send out any messages. And what the worst thing I found out? He deleted my name!! AH HA! That explains! I know who is lying and who is not. If you have received messages from someone you are unfamiliar with, you will ask who is that. BUt seems that he is dilebrately trying to avoid all contact with me except through phone calls! WHAT THE HELL!! Why do I have friends who treat me like shit? I can say without a shadow of doubt that he is lying, not concern and pretnding to be a good person when he is not. The only place where I can find true people is at home with my folks, the ones who are turly the ones that are true to you. Thanks and no thanks to that brute, I am left bleeding again. He seem to be the one who wants to build my my confidence but is the very person who is tearing it down. Yup.. He is that kind of brute who you will love to hate and hate to love.

 

Can he just come clean with me? I have been through hell..I grew up earlier than most of my peers..I had to be tormented by the nearly twice broken up marriage of my folks, went through the time where I had to take on managing most of the chores at home, being the one who needs to fend of bullies for my younger brother, hadf to bear the humilation of not being normal, just because of a skin condition, what else is new to me where my friends always leave me?!! The thing is that if he cannot do as he says so, do not promise me so. I will not blame him but now, I really loathe the sight of him. I grew up..If friends like him are not meant to be friends, then I have to not bother so much about him, he will become my "hi and bye" kind of friend. So I will put him in the back of my mind and smile when I see him, talk to him when there is a need to but if it comes to sharing the joys and sorrows of my life, he will have no part of it any longer.

never again, will i let myself fall in love with a guy does not deserve it, never again.. never again will i let myself derseve pain that i do not deserve.. never ever again... i have cried my eyes out and thorat horase before, and have tried numbing myself to the pain and have all failed so i now declare to the whole wide world this woman is not giving her heart away anymore..she does not deserve all the pain and the heart ache.. she is not able to take it..

there will be certain reprecussion if i do this now. and it has been in my mind for quite a while now. i know that it may take the heavy stone off my mind but i am too tired to give even it a damm care.. why bother... but deep within me i know that it will be very impossible for me to wave the white flag now. so if for every action, force will be needed.. i will need to find that force.. as the famous saying goes "may the force be with you"..